Where Does the Good Go?
by loveblindslogic
Summary: Look me in my eye and tell me no love is like our love. Isabella Swan's past had always haunted her. Always feeling trapped and incapable of love, she runs until her past and her present clashes in the mist of her sister's death.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1- I was taught two things, and neither are worth repeating.

**Everyone has a story, every pair of eyes you see holds a lifetime worth of memories. You never truly know who that person is, where that person came from or where they're going. Not even that little girl, with bright brown eyes and chocolate brown hair, skipping down the street with her shiny plastic red tricycle. You think you know where she's going, but you don't. You think you know where I've been, but you don't. That little girl, traveling on the side of the cracked concrete, the metal fences painted black beside her and the red leaves flowed around her could be you, or me. Just like a pretty picture, or a door painted red, there is more than what you see. **

"_Mommy, mommy look!" I ran up the sidewalk of the house, I got a new bike from the church and I wanted her to see it. The air was beginning to cool earlier and earlier each day, I hurried to get home, my crib turned red holding onto the handles. My lungs exhaled and inhaled as I pushed my feet to make the pedals move faster. The concrete was too bumpy to keep a smooth speed as I pulled to our house. We had a small house, just enough room for me and my mommy and for her friends. I stopped at the gate so I could unhook the rusty clamp that struggled under my fingernails. The gate swung open, half of it grated the ground each time hitting the same spot, leaving a skid trail on the driveway. Sometimes, I'll take my chalk and give the line some wings because it reminded me of a caterpillar that just needed to fly. I parked my brand new bike by the stairs and took big leaps up to the door, reaching up and yanking it open. The smell of cigarettes and moldy food greeted me at the door. The house vibrated with the sound of her favorite band. I cracked open the door to her room, peering into see her face down on the bed. A bottle of medication next to her and a needle. I wasn't allowed to be around her when the music was playing, but it's been playing for three days straight and I just wanted to talk to her. Her skin was pale and sticky. Her hair clung to her head while drool seeped from her lips. Her eyes suddenly popped upon, catching a look at me. I was startled and her medication hit the floor. "God dammit, Bella! Look at what you did!" I backed up into the dresser. "I'm sorry, Mommy. I just wanted you to look at my new bike." Mom raised her body out of the bed and placed her hands on her head. "Get out." I stood there. "God dammit, Bella get the fuck out!" I ran out of her room and down the hallway, back out to where I placed my bike. I still heard her, screaming in the house. "Get out! Get out! Get out!" I jumped over the steps, terrified she would be behind me, I hid in the crook of the stairs where the house met, and made myself as tiny as I could be. Her horrible screech could still be heard from inside of the house, pacing the living room. _

_I muffled my breathing by sticking my head in my lap, and using my hands to cover my ears. It's okay Bella, mommy just isn't feeling good, and her medicine makes her worse before she get's better. I repeated that to myself as many times as I could count before I opened my eyes. A light dew layered the browning grass by the time I heard mom's door shut close. _

_I peered over the steps, my hair filled with twigs and cobwebs the house was completely dark so I climbed the stairs and made my way inside. This time making sure I didn't wake mommy up any further. The door slowly clicked as I locked it behind me, I turned to face the living room that held two floral sofas and four ashtrays on top of a wooden coffee table. I sat down on the smallest sofa, bringing my knees to my chest while holding the remote in my hand. I flicked pass the fuzzy channels until I found a cartoon. My stomach was growling again, but I knew better than trying to check the fridge, so I watched the tall bunny eat his carrots while I drifted off to sleep. _

_A warm hand was placed on my head that was laying on the sofa, I opened my eyes, afraid, that I mistakenly awoken my mother. I brought hands up to my head while peering up at the figure in the dark. However, it was too big to be my mothers. "Daddy?" He brushed his hands through my hair, his face becoming more recognizable as he spoke. "Bella, what are you doing in here, it's so late at night." I propped myself up on my elbows and looked at the clock on the wall, the little hand on the one and the big hand on the five. I sat all the way up, a piece of twig falling onto my lap. I looked up at my dad, who was making his way to mommy's room. "Daddy, I'm hungry." The large man stopped in his tracks, turning around to face me while digging into his blue jean pockets. He reached out his hand, and handed me a spicey meat stick. "Here, darling this is all I have. You'll eat during school tomorrow. Now, get to bed." I held the tough looking meat in my hand while I watched him slam the door shut to mom's room. I quietly passed their room, sneaking down the hall into the bathroom that was painted pink and green. I pulled my plastic stool out of the corner from the sink so I could stand on top of it. I tapped my face, and touched my hair, I wanted to make sure it was really me. I don't know why, but some days I felt like this wasn't real, I wasn't real. I took the brush and ran it through my hair, pieces were falling out of my grasp and stuck to my forehead. Brushing turned my hair frizzy, but if I put water on it and braid it, the frizz will be gone in the morning. _

_I peeled my jean jumper off my body, and my off white t-shirt hit the floor. I leaned over the tub, grasping the knobs in my tiny hands and twisting with all my might until the cold water turned on. I reached under the nozzle and pulled a metal plug that made the water from a waterfall into rain above my head. I gently stood behind the rain, making sure to get my rag wet and run it over my body, there wasn't any soap so I made sure to scrub really hard. I had to bathe myself while mommy was sick. _

_The next morning I put on my faded jeans and a shirt that didn't really cover my belly button anymore. I put back on my rainbow shoes, a gift from mommy on my fifth birthday a couple weeks ago. I unbraided my hair, they held soft little crinkles that would straighten out during the day. I passed mommy and daddy room where mom held a cigarette to her lips, the music was finally turned off. I stood by the door, with my bookbag on my back waiting to get her attention as daddy slumbered. I shuffled my feet a bit, as she looked across the room, inhaling some more of that smoke in. "Good morning baby." I sighed in relief. "Good morning mommy." She propped herself out of the bed, her black tank top was covered in mystery stains and her sweat pants didn't fit right. "You want mommy to take you to school?" She walked past me, putting her house shoes on her boney feet. Mom shuffled to the door, unlocking the bolts and opening it up, as a trail of kids walked by. I hurried to the door and grabbed her hand, looking up at her as she took another sniff of the smoke. "Mommy, you feel better?" I asked her while we walked down the stairs together, she didn't answer, but instead her eyes zoned in on the tricycle. "Oh, sweetie you didn't tell me you got a new bike." I didn't say anything, either. She held my hand all the way down the block while smoking her cigarette and talking about the things she thought she did. The cross guard's face grimaced when seeing my mother appear over the horizon, but my mom didn't notice. The cross guard stopped her from crossing the Applegate Street. "Ma'am, I'll get her to school from this point." The woman held out her hand to me, wanting me to take it but my mother caught offense. "I am more than capable of walking my own daughter to school." She let go of my hand in the middle of the street, so she can place it on her hip. The woman smiled her teeth were very white. "I know, miss. Yet it's apart of my job to do so." My mom snapped back. "No the fuck it isn't. But fine." She pushed me towards the woman, making me trip a little over my shoes. "You make sure she gets there safely, because if anything happens to her that'll be your job." I stuck my thumb in my mouth when I didn't know what to do. The woman held a gentle grip on my shoulder, as my mom turned away stomping down the street. "Honey, are you okay?" I looked up at her, while still holding my thumb in my mouth. I didn't talk to her as she held my hand all the way to school. _

_The cafeteria food was overwhelming as I broke my hand free of hers and made my way into the dining hall. Kindergartens weren't allowed to go to breakfast by themselves because the lunch ladies would make the proportions smaller, but school is the only time I was able to eat. So, I would sneak my way inside the cafeteria and into the lines hiding behind the fifth graders when they punched their numbers in. This morning, they served grits and sausage patties, they gave the big kids three. I ate each sausage, and scooped the hot grits into my mouth, licking my lips to make sure I got each grain into my tummy. I punched the juice box plastic in, and emptied the contents into my mouth. The hunger in my belly subsided, and I got up to walk to the kindergarten hallway. This hallway was small, and held in the front of the school, closes to the doors so we wouldn't get lost. I had classroom Blue, where I felt like if I had classroom green, or classroom hippo, I would actually have a friend. I walked into the room, the teachers busy talking and the students were playing their morning games. _

_I sat in my desk, within my empty group and began tracing my alphabets. During school, I only enjoyed learning how to read, counting and eating. There was nothing else for me to enjoy, all the other kids didn't like me. "Bella, you're such a freak." The alphabets I was tracing suddenly was snatched away from me by a kid named Stephanie Leonard. He was taller than me, and stronger than me but he eats his snot. I turned my body towards him, demanding my paper back. "No." He cried. "You weirdo. Why did you even come to school today?" _

_I heard that a lot, or something along the lines. It was because I was too skinny, or I loved the school food, I was a dork, geek, nerd and sometimes I was called a taddletell. Recess I spent in time out, because of an outburst in class, or I would spend it up a tree, away from the other kids. I kept coming to school because that's the only time I could get away from home. I got new clothes, or we would go out to eat if I had good grades when daddy would come home. He would bring me new dresses and jeans if I got A's. He would give me a dollar for every B. I indulge myself in my school work so that it would keep me away from all the kids. By the end of kindergarten year, first grade and second grade I held the highest grade of all the classes. When I got that certificate again for the third time in the row, I ran all the way home. _

_It was the last day of school for the summer, and the heat was already scorching. I wore shorts that showed my knobby knees, they were a size extra small but I still needed to hold them up with a belt. My hair now reached the middle of my back flowed behind me, making the heat worse. But I couldn't care because I could almost see my house on the hill. _

_I saw my daddy first, and I admittedly called out to him. "Daddy! Daddy!" I was ready to explain to him how I was going to go to the fourth grade and still have the highest grade out of all the other classes. I wanted him to be proud of me, I wanted mommy to be proud of me, too. But school wasn't as important to her as it was to him. My father turned around to the sound of my voice, his face had a very sullen look as I flung into his arms. "Daddy." He cut me off, putting my hands to my side. I paused and looked around the yard, he had a suitcase behind his legs and my mother stood on top of the steps smoking her cigarettes. I was confused, and I guess my confusion painted over my face because daddy pulled me in for a hug. His clothes smelled like dust and smoke. "I have to go away for a while." I pulled away in fear. "What do you mean? Daddy my report card-" He cut me off. "I'll come back for you, Bella." My mothers laugh filled the air. "Yeah. Good luck with that, you're a fucking bum." Daddy looked back at mom with hatred in his eyes. "I'm trying to get myself together, Rene. So much for what you're doing." He picked up his suitcase, and threw it into the yellow car. I held onto his belt buckle. "No, daddy. Please! Stay here." I tried to pull all my weight down, like an anchor holding him into place but to no advantage he removed my fingers from his pants. I fell to the ground, the contents of my book bag spewing out onto the ground. My mom scoffed under her breathe. "Stupid ass muthafucka." Dad moved to driver side of the vehicle, and turned the car over. I got up, and ran over to the passenger side, tears swelling up in my eyes. "When are you coming back?" I held my hands on the glass, he didn't look at me. "I'll come back for you, Bella. I promise." Just like that, he sped off down the street, almost knocking me back onto the sidewalk again. My mother's laugh once again rang through the air, I turned back to look at her, angered. "This is your fault!" I screamed from across the street. The laughing stopped admittedly. "Excuse me?" She looked across the yard at me, holding a cigarette in her hand. I kicked my book bag. "You made him leave! I can't wait til he comes back for me! You did this!" I screamed to the top of my lungs, I didn't care who cared or how red I got or hot it was outside. My mom grew angry. "You get your narrow ass into this house." I stood there, staring her down which only pissed her off more. I eventually gave up and walked into the house, where she locked me in my room for the rest of the day, turning her favorite band back on. However, that night even with the music turned up high, I could still hear her crying over my father. _

_A week went by, two weeks, a month, two months, six months and an entire year later my dad never showed up. I waited endlessly for him to come back home, to take me and we could go live a life together in New York. I dreamed of living in a small apartment, with a pet cat. Daddy would work, and I would go to school for art and drama. We could be happy, away from my mother who seemed to be getting worse each day. I sat on my bed in my room, counting down the days til my tenth birthday. In my booklet I drew pictures of places I would probably never see, like mountains and rivers, big city lights. I drew of other homes away from mine, I dreamt of what other mothers were like. My hair cascaded down my shoulders and over my notebook, as I drew between the individual hairs. I looked across my floor, which my room was the cleanest room of the house. My walls were full of school achievements, and papers I got 100's on. Some of my best drawings made it on the wall, as well. One picture however, wasn't drawn but was an actual picture of my mother and grandmother that I didn't believe was true at first. _

_The woman in the picture, was so happy and bright. Her bright blue eyes smiled while her blonde hair was pressed in curls. Her skin was fresh and young, and so was my grandmothers, whom I've never met before. That woman in the picture, wasn't the same one who walked around the house everyday. I knew my mother was sick, I was old enough to know she had a problem. I wanted to help her because I love her when she wasn't sick, but now I think it's too late for that. _

_Some days, she'll sit and pretend like she's talking to daddy, who left over two years ago. Some days she would go around the house, cleaning and whistling. I soon learned that, that wasn't her either. _

_Nights I would coax her back to bed, I would have to crush up her pills and slide them into her mouth and nose because that's the only thing that calmed her down. I took the responsibility of trying to take care of my mother when daddy left, and I was only about to be ten. The door to my room swung open, there in the midst of all her chaos and harm stood my mother. Her eyes had a crazed look, her shirt was ripped in half and her pants were barely on. "Bella!" Her voice roared with anger, admittedly sending me into fear. I jumped off the bed and stood there. "You think you're better than me?" She held her arms out in a defensive crouch. I stared at the pair of scissors in her hand. "Bella! You little bitch! I am your mother you will treat me as such." She pounced at me, I fell back into the dresser, trying to crawl away from her. Mom grabbed me by my hair, tugging as hard as she could sliding me across the floor of my room and out into the hallway. I began to scream, and kick, terrified. My mother has always looked frail and weak, but not in this very moment. She had a grip on my scalp, pulling me up and slamming me into a kitchen chair. "You can never leave me. Ever." I began to cry out in pain as she hardened her grip on my hair. "Mom! Stop! Please!" Her voice mimicked mine in a taunting way. "Mom. Stop. Please." She crashed the butt of the scissors against my face, before taking them and yanking it through my hair. Clumps of my hair fell to the ground as I struggled against her arms. My skin and bones hit against the chair as she held a grip around my throat. Suddenly, she released me and I flung myself onto the floor, and then I ran outside of the house and into the street where I once again collapsed in front of a moving car. My vision was blurred as I slowly lost my senses, a part of me relieved, thinking, this could actually be my end. _


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2- The beauty of a rose is only temporary. What that rose leaves behind is everlasting.

_I don't remember much. _

_The sound of sirens, the smell of hairspray and my skin being covered in a layer of goose bumps. That's all I remember of those moments, the last time I'd ever see my mother. The last time I'd ever see that house. I thought I was dead, I felt warm white lights in front of my eyes, I had a moment of peace. _

_I never had that feeling before, peace. I didn't know there was any actual peace in the world. I wasn't worried about my mother, or if I stepped the wrong way or, what kid was pissed off in school. I wasn't afraid. I was looking forward to spending my life dead, forever. _

"_Excuse me. Isabella Swan." All of the peace and numbness I felt, washed away and I was thrown back into the real world. My senses fully developed and on high alert, I opened my eyes. The room was painted a light blue, a screen rested above me. The lines going up, and down and up and down. I focused on the numbers, and the way the needle in my arm felt pinched. A voice called my name again. However, I couldn't talk, my mouth was dry and my lips were glued shut. I didn't want to talk, because if I did everything that happened would become real. I didn't want to be real, I wanted to be dead. _

_I laid in the hospital bed and I stared at the ceiling hoping that maybe someone will come down and take me away from here. The only thing I could do is blink, and when I blinked I seen my mother's face. Her skin was pale and her eyes were hollow. Her teeth was yellow and she looked at me with such hatred. Hatred because I ruined her life and ran my father away. I wasn't what she wanted and there wasn't anything I could do about that. Another doctor appeared in the room. This time, I turned my head to face her. She looked tired, but beautiful, she had dark skin and darker hair. She sat down in the chair next to my bed and took hold of my hand. "Hi, sweetie." Her voice was nice, and her hand cured my goose bumps. She spoke again. "You're going to be around here for another day or two, okay? Just to make sure you're all better." I was confused, because I felt fine and I can't stay here. "What's wrong with me?" I sat up a little, my body burning. "Where is my mom?" The woman put her hand on my chest to try and coax me back to laying down. "Don't worry honey, just going to make sure you're stronger." She didn't answer about my mother. I rolled my eyes. "I'm going to be ten years old soon, I can know about my mom." The door to my hospital room cracked open, and another doctor walked in, followed by two men in suits. The man doctor introduced himself first. "Nice to see you awake, my name is Doctor Hahn, and these two men are going to explain some things to you." My eyebrows pinched together. "What are you going to tell me?" _

_I waited impatiently, everyone in this room knew about my future but me. "What's happening?" I was getting upset, as my eyes moved between the adults standing above my bed. The woman doctor placed a hand on the grey railing on my bed. "Honey, you don't ever have to worry about your mother again." _

_Those words, I wanted to hear since I was a little girl. You don't have to worry about your mother. I was supposed to sob with relief and joy, pack my bags and move to New York. However, the words didn't come out the way I imagined them, they didn't come out in the place I thought they would and they definitely didn't come from my father. I panicked. "No. No. I have to go home to my mom. She's sick, she needs me." I thrashed against the needle and the sheets. I had to get home, my mom needed my help. She needed me to coax her back to bed, she needs her music. One of the men in the suits whispered to other shorter, and fatter man, he looked at me and cleared his throat. "You won't be going back to that woman, your mother is getting real help for her sickness." The thought of her getting actual help soothed me, because that was a chance of her getting better. I just didn't realized it wasn't a chance of me going home. _

_I stayed in the hospital for two days, I learned things about my body I never noticed before. My doctor whom's name is Heliah taught me alot. Standing in the mirror wasn't like standing in the mirror at home, here I could see everything. There was no smudges or cracks, just me. I am twenty pounds underweight, you can see the groves in my ankles and knees. When I breathe in you can count five ribs. On each side. I was anemic also, because I wasn't getting the proper vitamins and nutrients in my body. My face and neck was bruised from the way my mother attacked me and Heliah says it'll take longer for me to heal because I'm so small. _

_The doctors put me on a strict diet, each meal I had something different. For breakfast they gave me milk, eggs, toast and melon I've never had before. I was allowed to eat nuts and fruits until lunch. I sat in my bed and watched cartoons, enjoying all the food I was allowed to get. I pressed the red button plastered onto a plastic box. A couple seconds later a nurse came into my room. "Yes? Bella." The nurse I've called eight times today was annoyed with my frequent buzzing, however she was ordered to stay as close as possible to me. I smiled. "May I please have another fruit cup?" I held up all my empty containers, my iv still wrapped to my arm. _

_The nurse sighed, but agreed and left to get my tenth fruit cup. I was never waited on before, I had to fend for myself, I had to fend for my mother and against her. _

_The door to my hospital room opened up, and a familiar face appeared, Heliah's. She smiled at me, and walked the rest of the way in followed by the same two men in suits. The shortest one with the bald head spoke first. The way they stood together made it seem like they were one person. "It's a nice couple that are going to come take you home." _

_I had a hard time with that sentence, for several reasons. Someone's mom and dad were going to come take me home. Not my mom, nor my dad. The second issue was that he used the word home. My home was a tiny house on a hill. So these strange people, this strange home, that wasn't really a home to me is where I am going. I began to panic, I sat up in bed with a sheer terror running through my veins. "I don't want to go." I looked back at the doctor for help, however I seen a frown on her face for the first time. She walked closer to me. "Honey, you'll be safer there. I promise." _

_Her promises meant nothing to me as I was placed in a back of a green family van. I only had the clothes on my back and a small dog shaped bag. I kept my ankles and knees together while Heliah closed and locked the door. I looked back at the hospital before me. The gigantic cemented walls stacked on top of each other, framed with glass. I let the picture burn deep inside my memory, not knowing it then but knowing it now that, this hospital sent my life for a loop. _

_We drove in silence for what seemed like years but was only two hours. The bald man tried to strike up a conversation with me, however I didn't want to speak. What could you say to me that would have a positive response. How am I doing? What do you think. Are you excited? Do you think? How's school? Terrible. _

_So therefore, we sat in silence listening to the sound of the tires rolling across the highway. Somewhere in between the silence I fell asleep. _

_The constant smooth motion of the car came to a halt as the gravel on the road was torn into chunks. I woke up, feeling a bit dazed and confused to peer out of the window and discovering a long driveway. My heart clenched in my chest, and I felt my fingers go numb as I sat in my seat like a scared puppy going to a new place. The teddy bear bag was the only thing that comforted me in this moment while the two men stared straight ahead of them. _

_The car finally came to a stop, a normal looking house stood tall in front of me. It was one of the houses most people dream about, with the two kids and the white picket fence. Well, I was an only child and our fence was a gate. _

_A woman stood on the bottom wooden steps, her face stretched out into a wonderful smile. She was short, I knew I would outgrow her in about two years. Her blond hair fell to her shoulder blades, her eyebrows framed her face perfectly. The man I assume to be her husband stood on the top step, already claiming his dominance. He looked like a regular old country hick. His shirt was plaid like I assumed most of his shirts were going to be. I internally sighed once the social worker came to my side of the door to let me out. I discovered a while ago before I fell asleep they turned the child protection lock on, and for good reasons. _

"_Good afternoon, Mr. Tom and Mrs. Tom." The social worker talked in his professional voice, as he walked in front of me. I stayed close to the van, unwilling to move. Mrs. Tom spoke first, opening her arms as if she was going to embrace him in a hug. "What a wonderful afternoon indeed." She took it upon herself to break the distance between her and I. Up close, I could see the wrinkles around her smile and creases beside her eyes. "Hello Isabella, welcome to my home." I stood there, staring at her face not knowing what to say. Thank you? Well. I didn't feel very thankful. I followed Mrs. Tom pass Mr. Tom who was talking to the social workers. Inside the home, an overwhelming smell of pinesol on wood greeted me. The walls were lined with wood, and so was the floor. The entrance creaked under my feet. Mrs. Tom went into tour guide mode at the aquarium, showing me the living room, where I was allowed to watch two hours of tv daily. Even only on the weekends. She then walked down a small hallway that opened up to another room that was filled with books, a long desk and a sofa. She explained how this is where the children studied their lessons. She squeezed past me, back into the living room, across the floor and into the kitchen. A giant chalk board sat by the entrance, showing this weeks meal. "Tomorrow is my birthday." stopped her chattering to turn around and stare at me. "Tomorrow's your birthday?" I shook my head in response, still studying tomorrow's meal plan. She threw her hands up in delight. "Well, how about after school we can take you out for dinner?" I smiled a little and nodded my head before the rest of that sentence registered. "I'm going to school?" placed a hand on torso and laughed. "Yes ma'am. You are, children go to school and follow the rules." _

_ then took me upstairs, the stairs creek terribly. She turned around before opening the door to a room. "You're finally about to meet my daughters. I didn't want them to come out until you've seen the house." My eyes traced over to the room as her hand twisted the nob open. The room was spacious and held three beds on opposite sides. The youngest girl was about my age, she stood up from her bed and her eyes zoned in on mines. spoke for me. "Hailey, Eva, meet Isabella. She'll be staying with us." Hailey, the youngest girl grinned at me and stood on her toes. Eva, however paid little to no attention to me. She sat on the end of her bed, face down in a magazine while on her phone. _

_ then left the room to go make dinner. _

_I stood in the entranceway, staring at Hailey while she still looked at me. She had on a pretty blue dress, and white tights. Hailey had her hair like her mother's as she stuck her hands on her bed and lifted herself back into it. "You can put your stuff on that bed over there." She pointed her thumb across the room. It held a single, made up bed. Next to it was an empty night stand, dressed with nothing but a lamp. I walked over to the bed and did what Hailey said. I felt the quilt under my fingers as I dreadfully began to miss home. _

_Hailey voice peered from behind my sorrows. "Isabella, you can come over here and color if you want to." I turned around to see Hailey still sitting in the same spot, waiting for me to join. I walked over to her side of the room, and slowly joined her as she held a crayon up to me. Eva, finally spoke the first words she'd ever speak to me. And they weren't even directly to me. "Can you geeks keep it down. I'm on the phone." Hailey stuck out her tongue and threw a blue crayon across the room where it landed in Eva's blond hair. _

_Eva quickly picked up the crayon and tossed it back, smacking Hailey in the face. She shreked with surprise and anger, picking up more crayons and pelting them at her sister. I sat in the bed, not really knowing what to do as the noise got louder. Eva jumped out of bed and in a few quick strides she was across the room yelling in Hailey's face. _

_Hailey however, did not back down but yelled even louder. I backed away to the edge of the bed as the girls continued to fight. The bedroom door swung open, stood there, her face scowling as the scene unfolded in front of her. "Girls. Fighting is not lady like. God does not favor children who does not follow the rules." I looked back and forth between and her children who were now pointing fingers at each other. "Pray." stood there, looking one hundred years older than she did before. Eva backed away first, going over to her side of the room, crouching by her bed and cupping her hands together. Hailey, followed the same motion and they began to pray together. "Sorry, my Father. For I have sinned…" overlooked the girls, until her eyes landed on me. I still sat in Hailey's bed, half way on and half way off. She returned the same stern look to me. "Isabella, you should pray too." Her head tilted to my side of the bed. I stared back at . "I have nothing to pray about." _

_The way looked at me is like I just struck her in the face. I felt Hailey's and Eva's eyes on the side of my head. held the door close to her body as if she needed support. "There is always going to be something to pray about. Your birthday is tomorrow, pray about that." We exchanged looks one last time before I left Hailey's bed and went to my own. I sat on the edge and mocked the other two girl's movements. _

_However that night I prayed for nothing. I didn't have anything to pray about, because it was a waste of time. I didn't go to church living with my mom. That isn't anything we did on a regular basis. However, at the Tom's house, at dinner they explained how religion was their life and happiness. I did not find a speck of happiness sitting in church on Monday's Wednesday's Friday's and Sunday's night. Hailey and I were forced to always wear matching dresses. If my mother hadn't cut my hair we'd probably have the same hairstyle. _

_In the matter of weeks I learned the inside and out of that church._

_At night I would lay in bed, and have the quilt up to my chin trying to accept my new life. A light flashed across the window, just like every other night. The bed across from mine began to creak until Eva's feet padded across the floor. _

_I watched her open up the window, and look down at the ground. Eva was only fifteen, five years older than I and she lived a whole different life in the night. She wore clothes would probably leave her in the church for eternity if she caught her wearing that. Eva made sure her chest was exposed to the naked light and her hair was long and wavy. She was too beautiful for her own good. A man's slurred voice came from the window. "Hey, Eva. Baby, you comin?" Eva would drop herself out of the window, never to be seen for the rest of the night. _

_Hailey popped her head from under her covers. "Bella, want to play house?" I sat up in bed, pretending I was sleeping all along. " will get upset if we get up and play." Hailey followed my actions by sitting up as well. "She won't hear us in my hiding place." Hailey jumped out of bed, grabbing two dolls from her shelf before opening the bedroom door. She looked back at me as if I was supposed to follow, so I did. _

_There was a tiny door, I passed hundreds of times before that she stopped at. She leaned down and opened the door before she crawled inside. I stood outside in the dark hallway, moon rays spilled through the blinds and danced on my cheeks. I heard Hailey whisper from inside the small room. "Come on, Bella." I slowly leaned down on all fours, letting myself squeeze through the door. The room was big enough where we didn't have to crouch but sit upright. Inside, Hailey had an entire play house, filled with crackers, soda and small DVD player. "Don't tell Eva, she'd taddle." I sat on my knees, and shook my head in response. Hailey turned to me, and held a barbie out to me, I took it in my hands. _

"_Bella," Hailey paused. "Why are you always so sad?" _

_I had to think about it. In all my years of living, no one ever asked me why was I sad. No one ever cared. I looked at Hailey, her hair tied into a bun on the top of her head. _

"_I've always been this way." I tapped the dolls head on the floor. _

"_**Bella. What is wrong? Why won't you let me in?"**_

_**Why are you always so sad? The words Hailey said to me many years ago rang in my ear, as Edward rang in my other. **_

_**I looked through him, while shaking my head. **_

"_**I can't be who you want me to be, I'm sorry." I grabbed my badge and my bag before turning to the door, embracing the cold air that met me. **_

_**Chapter 3, should be up in a couple days. Thank you for reading. **_


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